One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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