:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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