Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
