and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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