I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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