I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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