my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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