that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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