my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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