these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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