he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
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The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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