Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
