Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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