We're facebook friends in real life
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
