Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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