Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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