So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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