bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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