you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
3pm strippers are depressing
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
