Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
