ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well I just put wine in my tea
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize