If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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