We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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