You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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