What did we do last night that was yellow?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
