it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
