you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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