I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
