none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
