id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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