your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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