just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize