Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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