the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
