just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
