dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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