Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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