I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
