Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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