dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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