Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
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I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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