u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
