Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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