her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
