dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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