Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
