he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
