Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
