I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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