my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
