fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
