Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
