the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
