my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
