let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
