So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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