help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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