Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
