Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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